In a previous post I wrote about how unprepared I was when things suddenly didn’t always go my way. I was about 25 and not happy with where I was in life. I had expected my life to be a certain way by that time and it was far from it. I had expected to be married or have at least met ‘the one’. I felt that I had done everything right and didn’t understand why God wasn’t delivering like he always did.
So out came the rebel in me. Let’s just say I experienced a lot of firsts. They were definitely not the lasts either. When I look back I can see how immature my actions were. I acted like a spoiled brat.
I’m glad at a young age I learned about faith and trusting God and knowing that he would always be there and answer our prayers. I wish someone had also sat me down and told me about a God who also closes doors. I wish someone had told me that God would not always answer all our prayers, that sometimes no matter how much you believe, some things are not God’s plan.
Considering the growth and lessons I’ve gone through in the last four years, and even before that, I can see why things were the way they were. If I had gotten married when I had hoped, I would be divorced by now. There were so many things I had to work through, so many things to learn before I could be the person I am today. One of those things is that I’ve learned to love myself.
I didn’t even realize I didn’t love myself until it was pointed out to me. It was something difficult to accept but I’m glad it was brought to my attention because it’s brought me to where I am today. A person who loves herself and knows that she is a child of the most high God and that He is proud of me. 25 year old me would have expected that love from someone else and not myself and it would have been doomed from the start. God saved me from myself.
What I’m trying to say is that God might not always answer our prayers or might not do so at the time that we expect. What we should know and trust is that He has our best interests at heart. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Where I only see what I want right now, God sees the bigger picture and if I put my trust in him, he will not fail me, even when I fail myself (which I’ve done a lot of). I hope it makes sense to somebody out there.