What is positive self-talk?
At any given moment, in our thoughts, we are constantly thinking certain thoughts about ourselves and talking to ourselves. Positive self-talk is speaking to yourself in a kind and loving manner, rather than being harsh to yourself. It’s important because how we see ourselves or talk to ourselves determines how we view the world. If we are harsh to ourselves, we tend to see the world as harsh. In addition to that, our thoughts about ourselves end up being true in our lives even if they weren’t to start off. The power of the tongue. We speak things into being. Henry Ford said: “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” I’ve seen this to be true.
Exercising positive self-talk
Joel Osteen puts it this way “Whatever follows ‘I am…’ will come looking for you.” So you have to watch what you say about yourself. It starts off with your inner world. Every second, you’re talking to yourself in your head. Take time to hear what you normally say. Then listen to what you say to people about yourself. You might think its ok to say “oh I’m so stupid.” It’s not, because even though it was said to you growing up, now it’s you saying it and believing it. Replace that with something positive. Don’t just remove what you normally say, replace it with something positive. So say only good things to yourself and about yourself. “I am beautiful. I am lovable. I am fun to be around. I am enough.” Anything else you want to represent you.
Effects of negative self-talk
Negative self-talk leads to feeling unworthy. You feel insecure and lack confidence. This is not good because if you’re not confident then you don’t show up in the world in the way that you could. Instead of shining and letting people see you and what you can bring to the table, you shrink and hide. I think that’s really sad because we want to see you at your best. We want you to shine. We want you to inspire us to be brave and be ourselves.
To practice positive self-talk, I started to write letters to myself. I’m going to share 3 of those letters with you to give you an example of what that looks like for me, in case you decide to start writing letters to yourself. I’m also sharing them in case you find something in one that you can relate to. At the end, I share a letter I have written to every woman.
Letters to myself
My love,
I started crying as I wrote “my love.” I’m not really sure why. At a guess, it could be I haven’t always thought of me as “my love,” not really seen myself as someone to be loved, which if you ask me is sad. I am loveable. I am worthy to be loved. It’s ok to love myself, in fact it is imperative that I love myself. I show people the best example of how to love me so it needs to be a great example.
I’m on this journey of choosing me, of putting me first, of loving me because I matter. In the same way that I believe others matter, I matter too. I don’t have to feel bad for taking this time to not only work on me but to accept me as I am. I am a beautiful, kind, loving human being who deserves love. That love starts with me. Not me in a year’s time, not me at a certain weight, not me after achieving certain things but me right now, as I am. I want to reach a point where I love my arms as they are, where I love my tummy as it is, where I love my hips as they are, where I love my smile as it is, my eyes as they are. To look at myself in front of a mirror and love everything I see.
Right now I feel like I have no support, no one that I can be truly myself with, without being judged or them having certain expectations of me. People around me have at one point or another rejected me when I was my authentic self so sometimes I make it a point not to give them that. I guess this is a way to protect myself. That’s ok. I can love me and be authentic with me, without hiding any parts of me and accept me as I am and love myself as I am, without any conditions. As I do this, people will be drawn to that which I think repels others. The right people will come into my life who see me and love me as I am, people who offer unconditional love. Love is waiting for me out there but even more so, it is waiting for me in here, in my heart. I have to open myself to receive that love. I allow myself to receive love. I’m opening myself up to be loved. It’s ok to let myself be loved, to be loved without reservations, starting with me. This will make it easier for me to truly and authentically love others.
I know there is a lot to unpack but let me stop here for now. I want you to know, I aim to love you like you have never been loved before. When you list people who love you, I want to be at the top of that list. I’m gonna love you so hard you’re gonna wanna scream it at the top of your lungs how much I love you. You’re gonna look in the mirror and feel my love, you’ll wake up and feel my love, there will be no time where you don’t think of me and feel my love. My love will surround you and keep you grounded in the knowledge that I love you and will never take that love away from you, no matter what you say or do or how you look. Love with zero conditions. Please allow me to do this for you. Give me permission to love you this way. Let me choose you.
With love,
Sibo. August 30, 2020.
Morning beautiful,
I love you! I give you permission to receive this. It’s really something special to love yourself, so it’s ok to do it. I know you’re weary of living in expectancy because it usually ends in disappointment but stay open to receive because as difficult as it is to believe right now, God wants you to receive from Him. It’s ok to want to protect yourself from experiencing disappointment again. It’s ok to accept that all those disappointments hurt and the thought of another one scares you. I know sweetheart. You don’t have to expect anything right now, just be open to receive, knowing that God’s timing is always right. Ignore the when and just focus on the fact that He is going to bless you so abundantly your head will swim! That is a fact. I don’t know when and that’s ok. I can still be certain without knowing a date because it’s a done deal that God is going to make me successful and prosper me greatly.
I love you,
Sibo. September 2, 2020.
My love,
I’m so proud of you for opening yourself up to take this journey of processing, dealing with and working on the past trauma that you experienced. We’ve run away from it for so long but thanks to Tim and Debbie, it’s time now. Even though I went through so many emotions yesterday and cried so much, I went to sleep feeling like a load has been lifted. Just making the decision to take this head on is making all the difference. I know there’ll be more tears and plenty of emotions but I’m not hiding or running away from it anymore. I don’t know how I know this but I feel it deep within me that as I heal, everything will be ok. I can do this. I’m strong enough to do this.
I know it’s important to do this for my husband and my children but right now I’m doing this for ME. I’m valuable enough to deserve to do this for me. I matter greatly, more than I ever knew. I’m so happy that I know this now. Everything is going to be ok. I’m not alone in this. Spirit is with me always and where I need actual people, He will bring them to me, just like He did Tim and Debbie.
I love you MaHlabangana,
Sibo. September 16, 2020.
Now, the letter I promised you
It is a letter I would have loved to have received on my “no so great” days. I hope it will say something to you that you need to hear or something that you think someone else needs to hear. Here’s the letter:
My dearest significant woman,
I don’t know what you were told about yourself as a child or what you have been told about yourself as an adult. My question is this: What do you believe about yourself? I ask this because what you believe about yourself matters. What you believe becomes true in your life even if it was not true to begin with. If what you have been telling yourself has not been good for you, you might want to start telling yourself some truths.
Here are some truths:
You matter. No matter what anyone has told you, your being here on this earth matters. Your life is significant. You might not know what your purpose on this earth is, or you might know it, at the end of the day God will fulfil His purpose for your life. You don’t have to worry about it because God has got it covered. All you need to know is that you are here on this earth for a reason and because of that no one else can do what it is that you are on this earth for. If you do want to know what your purpose is, ask God.
You are enough. I could qualify this in many ways but I don’t know what made you believe you were not enough or question if you were enough. For me, I could write you pages of reasons. Whatever your reasons, I just hope you can let this truth sink in, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
You are beautiful. You were made in the image of God, your creator. He would never make anything that is not beautiful. No matter how you see yourself or how you think others see you, you are beautiful. It’s not what I think but it’s a fact that you have to accept because it is the truth. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! They say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, you my darling, are the most important beholder of them all.
You are able to achieve anything you put your mind to. If you believe, anything is possible. We each have different abilities and ways of doing things and different ways of being creative. Those set each of us apart and bring out our qualities. One person might excel at one thing and someone else at another. If you don’t already know it, find out what you excel at and be proud of that and use it to your advantage.
Even in your weakness, you are strong. The things you have endured and have had to put up with were not easy and yet here you are, still breathing. Even if sometimes it feels like you’re barely breathing, you’re still breathing. You are an overcomer. Be proud of yourself. You may feel weak sometimes but remember where you came from and how far you have come. You will get where you are going because you are a strong woman. Not because you never feel weak but because God says His power is made perfect in your weakness. Remember you are not alone. In all that you do or go through, another woman is doing it and going through it or has gone through it. They came out on the other side, so will you.
You can get through it. Whatever it is that you are going through, it will pass and you will be on the other side proud of yourself. It might not feel like it right now but you will get to the other side. Even if it feels too much, nothing is too much for God. He has got this. Let go and let Him work. Whatever it is you are holding on to and trying so hard to make happen, give it to God and watch Him turn it around for you.
Last but not least, you are loved. God loves you. Yes even if you did that, and even that, He still loves you. There is nothing that you can do or not do that can ever make God stop loving you. Even if you don’t feel it sometimes, God loves you no matter what. Even when things around you are not going the way you would like, there is a reason for it. You might not see it now but in time you will. Until then believe in this truth: GOD LOVES YOU! Let that knowledge sit in your heart and comfort you when you need to be reminded of it.
With love,
Sibo.
The above is an excerpt from the book Beyond Bubble Baths – A journey to wellness by Ruramai Nyadzayo-Mugwisi and Sibo Hlabangana. You can download a free copy here.
