It was a cold June morning and the day had started off well. We’ve heard the adage “summer bodies are made in winter.” I had successfully fought the urge to stay in bed curled up under the warm winter quilt to sleep for just 5 more minutes. I had braved the nip in the air and quietly struggled into my workout clothes in the semi darkness of my bedroom. Then grabbing my skipping rope and one wobbly hop at a time I skipped and as each hop became steadier and stronger I felt pride welling up in my heart that I’d done this! I had prevailed against the conspiracy of the winter season to increase the girth of my waist and decrease my almost visible thigh gap! So I envisioned my summer body as my breathing deepened and my chest pounded within me. I was smashing my fitness goals! I knew I was going to have a great day.
That was before I took a quick hot shower after my skipping routine and prepared to metamorphose into a magazine cover model. I slipped into a professional look pencil skirt complete with a tucked in crisp white shirt. That’s when things went awry. The skirt hugged my lower body in crevices I didn’t know existed! When did that dimple get there! Were those hip dips? As for the tucked in shirt! Well let’s just say my tummy protruded like a second trimester bump and the svelte image of my imaginary lean body in a power suit melted away like a chocolate sundae in the sun! I desperately needed to change the whole outfit and rethink what I was going to wear. With a sinking feeling I knew I was going to be late to work.
The reality was that I was a woman fast approaching the forties, thick in the middle of a raging calorie-counting and calorie-busting war that had left me physically battered (pulled ligaments, aching muscles, stubbed toes, does a bruised ego count too?) I was fighting daily to bring back to line a body that was determined not to cooperate with my mind and the images that I constantly envisioned, which I thought reflected my vision of what I was going to look like (which much to my dismay were becoming more and more a past vision of what I USED to look like before the arrival of my 4 children in aeons gone by!!!) And with each passing season I had to reacquaint myself with new fine lines etched into my face and added inches never previously encountered before.
I took another look at my reflection in the mirror. As I scrutinised myself it suddenly occurred to me that this wasn’t a battle against a fat invasion intent on sucking the joy out of my life but that this was a battle against self-obsessive traits and perceptions that I’d held on to and come to accept as the truth that shaped my life. I was more than fine lines and inches! The gentle curve of my tummy represented the life I’d nurtured in the sacred haven of my body for nine months at a time. The cellulite and dimples in my hips, a reminder of the chocolates and wine shared without remorse and without regret with family and friends in carefree moments that defined the true meaning of life. The fine lines on my face mapped the smiles, laughter, and also the growing pains of a life lived with clarity and meaning; a life lived with an abundance of love and a much needed generous dollop of humour.
I made it to work and I wore that pencil skirt with my shirt tucked in. I embraced my changing body with confidence because I realised that wellness was much more than a number on a scale or the calories in a meal. Wellness was loving myself regardless of my flaws and holding myself accountable to my goals. I was not as slender as I wanted but I could do something about it.
Wellness is a dynamic process of self-awareness, accountability and growth. It is confidence in my fine lines and inches. It’ll mean that each winter morning I have to win the battle against the dropping temperatures and when I do manage to crawl out of my warm bed on time, I’ll skip a little longer, go a little faster, push a little harder. I am going to get this body to step it up and shape up one way or the other and although I may not enjoy every single moment of my fitness journey I am going to love this imperfect body through it all. After all these are my fine lines and inches.
Ruramai Mugwisi is a girl and women’s empowerment champion, budding spoken word artist, digital content creator, medical scientist, wife and mother to four amazing children. She’s a devoted Christian and passionate about purposeful and mindful living.
