In celebration of International Women’s Day, we asked 5 women the same question and asked them to share a letter with us. This is the question each person was asked: “You are at the age of 90 and you decide to write a letter to your younger self of 2021. What would you say in the letter? What advice would your 90 year old self give you?”
They say with age comes wisdom, it is our hope that their letters will help us better navigate this thing called life. Below are the letters:
Magugu Khumalo’s letter
My dearest Magu,
Child, take a breather! I know it’s scary, l know you are panicking. Shut the demon voices in you telling you that this is the end, that you are not gonna make it, that you will lose all that you worked so hard for, the voice screaming that you have to give up on your dream of “BECOMING.” Yes you are battling for survival, yes you are living in uncertain times, you have been losing loved ones, and everyone around you is losing loved ones. People that you have always looked up to are losing jobs and businesses that they have worked all their lives for. The world is angry! But you are here, you still have the means to carry on.
Stand up child, look in the mirror and reflect on the person you were before this vicious pandemic. Silence all the whispering demons. Think about you for now. No you are not being selfish, you are also affected like the whole world but it’s your choice to rise above it all and not give in to being another statistic or victim of the ends of this pandemic! You are stronger than you think, you have conquered before, you can still do so now, you have to “Overcome” in order to “Become.”
Wipe off those tears, neither you nor your dreams will succumb to the state of this world. Go on, get that goal that you have always wanted. Child, do not give in to the pessimism of others. Some people hate that you are always optimistic, remember misery loves company. Do not give them the satisfaction, do not let people around you define you. They say you are not “normal.” What is normal? You have your own quirks, while some people may deem as strange or weird, they are traits that make you the only one of your kind, the particular one. Stay unapologetic, anyone that cannot accept you for who you are, can also live without you, show them the door!
Do not live to keep up with the “Joneses.” I know there is pressure around you, pressure to always keep up appearances, care not about public perception, your happiness should not be based on keeping up with the “Joneses.” Happiness is a choice, you do not need materialistic things to make it a choice. But l know you want the “soft life.” Well there is nothing wrong with wanting the finer things in life as long you are going to work for them. Life does not have to be hard, live the best of your life, tomorrow is not promised but you, child of God, have many years of living ahead, do not settle for average, you deserve the best and you are going to get only the best.
Do not rush into any relationship commitments like getting married and having kids, a man will not make your life whole unless that man (I pray and hope it’s a woman that holds that power in your time) is part of your business transaction that will set you up for life. Yes his signature on that contract is a must and you will get it without having to lay your back on it, you will have it because you are deserving and you have worked hard for itJ Well, back to the marriage and kids, do not rush the process. Being married and having kids does not define you. It is ok not to have either, just make sure you make the right choice not based on what society says. Never make decisions based on other people’s beliefs. Marriage is not an achievement. Enjoy life, go on dates, break heartsJ these boys deserve itJ Marriage will happen when the time is right.
They say you only live once and once is enough when you do it right. Remember, life is not a sport, the race is yours alone, the finish line is where you set it. Keep your eyes fixed on the price, chin up.
Love, 90 year old Magugu.
Lola’s letter
Dear 2021 Lola,
Girl I see you, I don’t have to ask how you are because you’ve been going through it all. The confusion is draining, the discouragement is heart breaking and you’re seriously at the brink of giving up on EVERYTHING!!!
But wait…
I want you to know that you are loved. You have a Heavenly Father calling out for you so strongly, wanting you to draw closer to Him. Receive His love in its fullness, don’t let it be head knowledge or something you strive for, walk with Him, talk to Him, He wants to heal all your hurt.
Believe you me if I could do 2021 over again these are the EXACT steps I would have taken.
I would have taken time to realise sooner that there’s power in being a night owl just as much as there’s power in being part of the 5am club. Just because everyone is talking about the 5am club do not feel under pressure to be part of it. What you need to do right now is set a solid schedule and stick to it.
Again don’t pack this schedule with the 101 desires you want to achieve in a day, take it one step at a time and make sure your daily goals are measureable. The more you tick them off the more intentional you will be the next day. It sounds impossible now but you will be an early bird soon because there is a fire that you will develop inside that will be unstoppable and you will not be able to stay in bed.
For now do as I say, set a solid schedule and get consistent in it. Some of the most influential billionaires are night owls too and get out of bed way later than you. The difference between you and them right now is how they have chosen to schedule out their day and have been very intentional about their daily goals and tasks.
Listen, I know you’ve been beating yourself up because you are not practicing enough self-love. For crying out loud, feeling guilty about not loving yourself is just a disaster waiting to happen – love yourself already will yah!!!
You love reading, stop what you’re doing, pick up that book and read. Do you have flour in your cupboard right now? I know very well you do!!! Get those hands dirty and experience the therapy you love that comes from baking. Get in a daily dose of love, not just once a day but at any moment you can. Make plans for the weekend whether they are home plans or going somewhere. Life is too short to sit and wish!!!
You are a student of prayer. Do not allow emotions to lie to you. Continue to pray for your husband no matter how hard it can be sometimes and remember to keep becoming Mrs Better-half. It is more of a blessing to give than to receive always.
Mom goals, couple goals, are all over rated. Do you boo!! Just take the pressure off. I know you love Pinterest but you need to let it inspire you and not cause you to feel pressure. Hint, if your mind starts to say “I wish,” you need to replace it with “I will.” Replace “I can’t wait to have” with “When I now have.” Trust me, your life is going to flourish so stop stressing about what isn’t and start focusing on the good that is happening.
All that you are going through today will help a lot of women. Don’t try and numb yourself, allow yourself to be vulnerable and work through every trouble. God will deliver you out of all of them.
Your health is your wealth. Do not neglect to rest, drink water, be mentally ok and eat the things you need to be well. Anxiety will lead to depression, remember that the next time you start to worry about the things that are beyond your control.
You are a big dreamer, do not let fear of being judged dim your light. Step out in your God given gift, write and allow transformation to take place. Do things you think you are not confident in and realise just how beautiful, strong and resilient you are. You have been blessed to be a blessing so keep moving in the path the Lord has set out for you. Let go of past ambitions and focus on the higher calling that is before you, it will lead you to greatness.
Take note and be wise with your money and make that money make you more money. Do not be consumed by financial desires, enjoy every phase of your life. Bread and tea alone is a blessing as much as a full bacon and egg breakfast with smoothies. Either way you will be sustained and you will not go to bed hungry.
Lastly, open your eyes to all those around you. Some are new friends, some are a bridge that will lead to your next client, idea or assignment, some are there to teach you how not to treat the next person. Above all else, make it your mission to live in peace with everything and everyone.
P/S: your worth is more precious than rubies xx
With Love,
90 year old Lola.
Ruramai Mugwisi’s letter
Dear Rue,
You’ve lived such a full life.Your children have turned out great! They are happy, whole and fulfilled. Your legacy lives on in the culmination of their dreams and hopes, which you fuelled with your faith and tenacity. You’re blessed with ten grandbabies and they call you Gigi because you’re nobody’s ‘gogo!’ You still love to cook and afterwards dress up and look good at dinner and your grandbabies love that about you! You’re surrounded with so much love. You’ve come such a long way from the uncertainty you had all those years ago. Middle aged, anxious and almost depressed that you’ve lost so much time and yet you’ve achieved so little. I know there’s still more to do. Maybe too much when you think about all the things you’ve achieved and yet you still have no idea right now of all the plans that God has lined for you.
No spoiler alerts, but I just want to encourage you to get ready for a mind blowing season of such transformation and growth. I know sometimes you want to give up because you just don’t have the strength to take another shot at your dreams. Don’t be too afraid to try. Always try Rue. Over and over again if you have to. You think that you should have it all together by now. That your reality would have aligned to your purpose. Let me remind you that purpose requires a clear vision (focus,) a strategy (action) and unyielding commitment (passion) which means pain and hardship in building from the ground up.
As you construct your future with the one mindedness which I know you have, pause and consider how far you’ve walked and the battles you’ve won. Take a moment to celebrate yourself once in a while. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing good Rue! Don’t get too comfortable though – comfort is the enemy of greatness. And don’t procrastinate. Keep striving for more. There’s the quote you love by Steve Jobs, ‘Stay hungry, stay foolish.’ Keep that quote on your lock screen. You have a hunger that keeps you restless. You are searching for how to live this life as joyously and expectantly with as much curiosity as possible. Sustain that hunger you have for abundant living by pursuing your goals. Maintain balance by slowing down every once in a while to reflect with gratitude on the places you’ve walked out from unscathed and yet thankful still for the scars you carry because they remind you that you survived.
You give so much of yourself to others and some will remember how you showed up. But you can’t be everything to everybody at all times. It’s ok to give yourself the same grace. Give yourself time. Time to heal. Time to figure things out. Time to work on yourself. Great masterpieces take time. Give yourself a break too. You’ll get there. Forgive yourself for the slip ups. For the mistakes you’ve made. For yelling at your children. For not cooking gourmet meals at the drop of a hat. For staying when you should have walked away from those toxic situations. For not believing in yourself.
You’ll get all the things you desire. You’ll lose the weight. You’ll get the job. You’ll launch the ventures. You’ll travel the world. You’ll watch your children graduate. They will turn out great and achieve phenomenal things. So stop worrying and enjoy the life you have now. Embrace the interruptions. The doors that have slammed shut will lead to other avenues to explore. Detours can still get you to your destination.
Don’t spend too much time worrying about what people say. People always have something to say. You included. You have a lot to say about yourself and you’re not always right. It’s time to start affirming yourself more intentionally. Keep your circle tight enough to hold you close when things fall apart but open enough to include unexpected friendships. Some of the people who will impact you in such a powerful way will walk into your life after your mid 40s. You’ll rekindle some old friendships too and they will be like new ones. That’s God. He always gives you a new thing disguised as something old. Discern the fresh start and be expectant. Some of your greatest moments lie ahead of you.
Love you and waiting on you,
90 year old Rue.
Sandra Areka’s letter
To my darling Sandy,
I have just sneaked away from the family for a few minutes to write you this letter. It’s been a wonderful day, I turned 90 years old today. I feel so excited!!! I look back over my life and am astonished that my life turned out to be such an inspiration to many. Who would have imagined that a girl born out of Bulawayo would become an international brand? You know when I started out, I had nothing, no dreams, no vision, I was hopeless. Then God’s grace found me and my life turned around. I have been blessed, I have lived a fruitful life. My life has been more than I ever dreamed or imagined. It has surpassed my vision boards. Today I looked at the vision board I did in 2021, I could not stop crying tears of joy. Everything I wrote down has come to pass. I am in awe of God. Wait, before I get ahead of myself, today I am speaking to you my darling Sandy. So make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, sit on your cosy couch and then you can start reading this letter.
Here’s what I want you to know:
- You are precious, you are loved and you are cherished. Some days you feel so ordinary like a drop in the Atlantic Ocean, but I want to say to you, you are a masterpiece and a treasured possession in the eye of your Creator.
- Don’t worry. Never leave your life to chance, pray, believe and trust God. I know right now you are filled with thoughts like, “when will COVID-19 end? Will life ever get back to normal? Is this the new normal? Will I get that international scholarship?” Be still my precious one. Don’t worry, things will turn out in your favour. Believe me, they will.
- Embrace your beauty as an African woman. The world will constantly redefine what they think a beautiful woman should look like. Don’t buy into that! You are beautiful the way you are. Be authentically you. Remember true beauty will always be found within. Embrace your flaws and your scars. Your scars are proof that you went through pain, but you are here today, victorious, you overcame, you were healed, embrace them. Yes, strive to be beautiful outwardly, but remember outward beauty can take you into a King’s palace, only a beautiful character will keep you there.
- Smile often and laugh out loud. I mean laugh until your stomach hurts. You will thank me later.
- Take care of your health. Eat healthy food, drink lots of water, and exercise. Last week I was so proud of myself because I went bungee jumping. Yes, I did. You know how in my 30s I was so afraid of heights, I refused to go bungee jumping, swimming with the sharks and diving. As life would have it, it’s something that has always been on my fear list. So I discovered I had ticked off almost everything except for this one thing and well I conquered that fear. Afterwards I wondered what things I feared that I should have just faced head on when I was still your age.
- Take risks and face your fears daily.
- Don’t let opportunities pass you by. If you missed the opportunity before, work on the reasons why you missed it. The opportunity will come again, in a different form. It will come again, and when it does make the most of it.
- Be grateful. Nothing attracts abundance like gratitude.
- Forgive. I have lived long enough to know that life is a marathon, don’t carry around the baggage of unforgiveness, it only wears you out. It takes away your joy and happiness. Forgive yourself and forgive those around you. We live in an imperfect world surrounded by imperfect people. Just forgive.
- You live life daily, and only die once. Make each day count.
- Your life is God’s gift to you. How you live it, is your gift back to God. Make Him smile that he created you.
- Love is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Love that person in the mirror before you expect someone else to love her.
- Your happiness will always be your own responsibility. Free those around you. It’s never the job of your friends, children, siblings, or even your spouse to make you happy. Be happy by yourself first and let that happiness become sweet perfume to those around you.
- Build a legacy for the generation yet still unborn. I used to wonder what that meant but over the years I have seen it come to fruition in my own life. Contrary to the trend that follow your passion to make money, sometimes what you are passionate about will not be financially profitable. The monotonous, sacrificial, boring work might be what will bring you millions of dollars.
- You don’t get to choose your family. You don’t get to choose your parents. Cherish them! Love your family unconditionally through the bad and good times. In the end family is all you really have.
- You don’t get to choose family but you get to choose your friends. I have met a lot of people in my lifetime, but I can count the number of true friends I have on one hand. We have been friends through it all. Choose friends that will carry you on their backs when you are too weak to walk. Better still, be that friend that can carry a wounded friend on their back out of the battlefield to safety.
I will end by saying love is a beautiful thing. Love is about giving. Love is easy, the other stuff around it is what is hard. Things like time management, respect, integrity, patience, trust, forgiveness, personal hygiene, humility, emotional intelligence, sacrificial giving, reading financial statements, budgeting, parenting, in-laws, and communication. Real love has nothing to do with being glamorous or flamboyant. It’s actually full of ordinary tasks, like making sure there is a hot meal when everyone gets home in the evening. It’s doing the dishes for the 100th time so that your loved one can finish writing their business report. It’s really all about giving, not taking. The paradox is that the more we give the more we actually receive. Today I was told not to do anything because it was my birthday, and that I would be pampered. I was.
I guess you are curious how I became an International brand. Only a preview because I don’t want to spoil your story. You need to live it through yourself to see it. We built an international university that became a launching pad for great inventions in Africa. We also built orphanages across Africa. To date we have 90 state of the art facilities housing 100 children in each, from the age of 0-18 years.
Oh yes “we,” I did get to marry my soul mate, he still sets my soul on fire. He still causes my heart to skip a beat every time he enters the room. It’s weird because I didn’t get to marry the guy I thought I would marry. This was God’s choice. I would never have chosen him, in my limited capacity but in God’s sovereign plan, He knew how the story would be fulfilled. Any regrets? Maybe 2, that I waited too long to step into my purpose and believe in myself; and that I waited too long to release my bestseller book, it did bring in our first billion dollars.
Oooh I will have to end here. My honey-bunch has just come into the study. He is saying everyone is waiting for me to come downstairs to cut my cake. That he baked! What more could I ask for? I am blessed. Let me put on my pink heels, that are matching with my bright pink dress and clutch bag. You still love pink! As I say goodbye, greatness is closer to you than you think, it is within you. Don’t give up on God. This life of yours will end in worship to Yahweh. Your life will end in testimony!!!
Love, 90 year old Sandy.
Sibo Hlabangana’s letter
My dearest MaHlabangana,
Having lived out my life to the age of 90, take it from me when I tell you, you have nothing to worry about. My love, I have lived an awesome life, one many dream of. Knowing where you are in life right now and going through the struggles and disappointments I remember you enduring, I have decided to share some truths with you. I hope they help you as you continue the journey of living your life the best way you know how.
- Be present. In every moment, be present. I know what a dreamer you are and that’s wonderful. It’s great to look towards the future but it’s ok to experience your life as it stands too. No matter how much it hurts sometimes, don’t check out, don’t find ways to numb the pain. Allow yourself to feel it all because if you don’t, it will come back to haunt you in other ways.
- Be yourself no matter what. Not everyone will get you or what you’re about and that’s fine. It’s about them, not you. You can be your true authentic self and be disliked by some, but you will also be loved by those who choose to love you.
- All your dreams have already come true. There’s no rush for them to be manifested because they have already happened. I know patience is something you’re still learning. What difference does one month or one year or 5 years make when you know it’s a done deal? Everything you have ever dreamed of, I’ve lived to experience so don’t worry about when or how because it really is a done deal. That dream beachfront home of yours, those investment properties you want to own, the business you want to run, the money you want to make, the travel you look forward to doing, the husband and kids you hope for, all a done deal.
- You’re on the right track. Continue to do what you love, create without boundaries, continue to learn and share your experiences. Pursue those seemingly impossible dreams. As long as you’re doing all these, you can relax and know you’re on the right track. God will do the rest.
5. You’re beautiful as you are.
- I am proud of you and the person you are. You’re doing great. I love how you do life. I’m living in the results of you being the person you are. I know you don’t feel it right now but honey, you are enough and you’re doing alright.
- I know you worry about this, so yes I did eventually reach a point where I love myself 100%. That means you don’t have to worry about it anymore. You will reach this point. It won’t compromise your love of others but will make you love them better. It’s ok to choose you.
8. When you choose to love someone, love without reservations. Love them fully knowing they might hurt you. Assume the best of that person. (After Googling them of course lol.) They might prove you wrong, but what if they prove you right? Because of your trust issues I know you’re probably thinking “what is she smoking?” Take it from me, trust is going to play an important factor in allowing my husband (thanks for dreaming him into life) to come into your life and stay in it. As I write this, he is sitting right next to me. Just thought you might like to know;-) And when he comes into your life, open yourself up to be loved, it will make my life easier. If you don’t, I might end up writing this letter to you sitting by myself, girl don’t do that to me lol.
- Create to your heart’s content without worrying whether or not anyone will like it or approve of it. Write even if only one person reads. Dance without an audience. Produce even if you’re not seeing any impact right now. In time it will all pay off and when you tell your story of how it all started, it will change your area of influence. Believe me, I know this.
- God loves you. I know you know this intellectually and you think you believe it, but every time you are hurting or disappointed or experiencing different struggles, you question His love for you. At 90, my dear, you can trust me when I tell you this, God really does love you unconditionally. You never have to doubt that ever again. Trust that whatever happens in your life is for your good and where it isn’t, God didn’t cause it and will make up for it having happened to you.
Finally, relax. Breathe in, hold it and breathe out. You’re ok and everything is going to be just fine.
I love you,
90 year old Sibo.
