Growing up in an African home it seemed that African mothers couldn’t stand to see their daughters doing nothing. Well at least sitting down to watch television was perceived as doing nothing! You had to keep busy. Always! You’d do the morning chores, afternoon chores and still be at it in the evening. If you were fortunate enough to have a paid helper in the home, you’d soon realise that it was not your good fortune because she was your mother’s helper and not yours! You still needed to cook, clean and do your own laundry!
When you’d finally find some free time in the late afternoon and settle down in front of the television to catch up on a show, that would irk momma so much! Next thing you’re being called to chop, sweep or remove something that just couldn’t wait. You’d be 15 minutes into an action packed show and let me remind you that there was no pause button on the remote control. In fact back then there was no remote control! “Can’t it wait?” you’d rage inwardly but you’d get up and leave, sweetly making your appearance before momma.
You’d do whatever she asked calmly and quietly, only rushing when she’s not watching you, but slowly and methodically when she’d turn to look at you. When you were done you’d walk back to the television in the living room as sedately as you could under her watchful gaze, only to see the credits roll up on the television. The show was over! Momma had done it again! She’d asserted her control and taught you an invaluable lesson that a woman’s work is never done!
Is it any wonder then that women struggle with rest in the home? Raised by mothers who only rested when they slept, we are the offspring of a generation of women who bore the brunt of the domestic workload. Sadly not much has changed today. The domestic burden is still heavy on the shoulders of women. The lockdown has only added to the growing and endless to-do list in the home as families spend more time in the home. Piles of dishes to be washed, meals to be planned, rooms to be cleaned, laundry to be soaked, washed, ironed and packed away only for more clothes to pile up with each passing week. There is no respite to the cycle of work in the home!
Self-care is the trending phenomenon that emerged in response to the negative impact of continuous work in the home. We first saw it on social media in the images plastered on our timelines of well to do women with their feet up as their families served them. Initially dismissed by our mothers as the invention of a lazy ‘makoti’ (or very likely an unmarried feminist,) we viewed it with suspicion too and yet secretly longed for it. That is, until we worked up the courage (and the brains) to demand rest as a well-deserved treat and not as a right. If it was viewed as a treat then it would mean our families would want to give us the treat and not be obliged to do it? It was perfect! And so the era of self-care was finally upon us. No longer a dirty word to be derided by our mothers as they too realised that our husbands and children could still thrive without our super powers for an afternoon or a day. We were onto something special.
Self-care has slowly become part of the schedule in our weekly or monthly routines. A nap, a walk, some alone time to read a book or watch a favourite show. It has taken on various forms as women settle down to recover from endless demands on their time.
Will the practice of self-care live on through the ages? I believe it’s here to stay. It’s a powerful lesson for daughters and sons who can see rest modelled in the home. After a season of goal setting and hard work comes the need for the intentional pursuit of the replenishment of our reserves in order to serve again when we get up for the next season. Self-care is no longer a luxury reserved for the well-heeled women (or men!) of society but a necessity for wellness for all human beings striving to stay sane in a busy world, that’s rushing through life at a frenetic pace.
In the meantime, as I write this, its self-care Sunday and I am going to enjoy a rerun of several action packed episodes of a crime series that I love to watch. This momma is in control now! Remote in hand and my feet up. It’s going to be a restful day.
Ruramai Mugwisi is a girl and women’s empowerment champion, budding spoken word artist, digital content creator, medical scientist, wife and mother to four amazing children. She’s a devoted Christian and passionate about purposeful and mindful living.
