A few years ago someone pointed out to me that I didn’t love myself. That surprised me at the time but after some reflection I realized she was right. Although I didn’t know how to go about it, I decided from then on I would love myself. It’s been a process that continues to this day. I’ll think I now love myself and find myself questioning it because of the way I think of myself or positions I put myself in. I’ll ask myself things like “Is it possible to love myself and not love my body?” I knew there was something missing in my attempt at loving myself.
Then, a light bulb went on as I was re-watching the series Breaking Bad. During one of the episodes, we find one of the characters, Jesse, struggling with something he did. At an AA meeting, the therapist starts talking about self-acceptance, something that Jesse finds difficulty accepting. For some reason that was such an eye opening moment for me. For the first time I saw what the problem with my attempt at loving myself was. I was trying to love myself but I didn’t accept myself as I am.
Now I believe self-acceptance comes before self-love. You can’t truly love that which you do not accept. To love yourself, you must first accept yourself. Realizing that I didn’t love myself was the first part, self-awareness. If you are self-aware, you can realize what’s happening with you. The next part is self-acceptance. You have to cut yourself some slack. You have to show yourself compassion. Only then, will the self-love be able to begin.
Self acceptance doesn’t mean doing nothing to improve yourself or to better yourself. It means accepting yourself as you are so you can help yourself or seek help from outside without judging yourself. Where you stumble, you can get up and keep going, knowing that it’s ok to stumble. It’s ok to fail. You just need to keep giving yourself another chance. Even if it means more and more chances every day.
I did a self prescribed self-acceptance exercise that I found helpful. I wrote about things that I choose to accept about myself. Things that I don’t like about myself or things that I would like to change. I see now that before that change can take place, I have to start with self-acceptance. After doing that I wrote myself a self-acceptance statement. I think it would be good to write your own. For now you can use mine if you’d like.
Self Acceptance Statement to myself:
At any given moment I accept ME as I am. I am human and like every human being I have my flaws. I don’t have to run away from myself but accept myself as I am. I accept myself at every turn. Even on days where I’ve messed up. In fact I will accept myself more on those days. I am after all a work in progress. I know I can improve but I still accept ME as I am. I will undoubtedly improve but I still accept ME as I am, before the improvement. I am who and what I am and that is fine, I accept it all.
I don’t know if I will ever reach a point where I can state with 100 percent confidence that I love myself but I believe I’m getting closer with each day as I accept myself as I am. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think you can love yourself without accepting yourself?
