In the past I’ve written on lessons I’ve learned along the way of navigating this thing called life. At one point it was 10 lessons from a 30 something year old. Later it was 25 lessons from the last decade. Now I have 10 more lessons to share.
- Instead of judgment, to seek understanding. It’s easy to judge something we don’t understand. To write something off without trying to understand it first or without hearing from people who hold the beliefs or opinions that are foreign to us. I’ve found when you take the time to seek understanding, you come out less judgmental and may find out what you were questioning or writing off makes a lot of sense. For example I didn’t understand why anyone would choose to home-school their children and after finding out more and considering the option further, I get why and now it’s something I’m considering one day. Another example is I rolled my eyes when someone mentioned that a certain person was an anarchist. Then I thought why did I react like that? What exactly do I know about anarchism? I went and read a bit about it and watched hours of interviews of people who believe in anarchism and now I get it. I haven’t been converted to anarchism but in one of the interviews, I found myself agreeing more with the anarchist than with the interviewer who was questioning his views. I never would have reached that point without seeking to understand. I think this is important because if we all did that, there would be less strife and people could disagree without losing their minds.
- The importance of letting go. I’ve learned to hold on to things and people tightly enough that they don’t slip away but lightly enough that they can slip away if they choose to. In the last couple of years I had to let go of things I never thought I ever would and let go of people I thought would be in my life forever. Both kinds of situations were not easy but I see now why they were necessary.
- I’ve learned that sometimes it’s necessary to break up with friends. In the same way that if a relationship with an intimate partner isn’t working out or is toxic, you break up with them, you may have to do that with friends too. I had never considered this.
- We each get to create our lives, whether or not we realise it or believe that we do. No matter what our childhood looked like or what our race is or what continent we were born in, we are responsible for our lives right now. We may not be to blame for our past but we are definitely responsible for our future.
- Go back to the beginning. Sometimes we get so far from the original aim that issues arise. I’ve learned that in order to sort them out, go back to the beginning and ask what the main aim was to begin with. Peeling down the layers will give you an answer you may not expect because you had gone so far from the original idea for different reasons.
- The importance of starting the day well. I’ve come to appreciate the benefits of having a morning routine. Instead of starting the day with working/playing on my phone, I have certain mindfulness practices that I follow in order to start the day on a good note. I can see the difference in my actions and in my feelings about life and about any situation I find myself in. With this comes ensuring that you sleep well, whatever that looks like for you.
- The need for healing. I’ve seen how important it is to heal from past trauma and anything else that we need to heal from. It’s not easy. It can get really messy but it’s necessary. I’ve learned that to heal, it’s important to face whatever you need to heal from, instead of running away from it. It’s difficult to do but worth it. In case you want to know more, I wrote in more detail discussing healing in a previous post titled: The need for healing.
- Some lessons and growth come through pain. Many of them in fact. Most of the lessons I’ve learned recently, I don’t think I could have learned them when things were going well. Things like perseverance, resilience, managing money, etc.
- Suffering creates gratitude. If you go without you’ll be more appreciative when you get that which you were missing and grateful of other things too. This may not be true for everyone but there are things that I went without for a long time and now that I have them I’m so grateful for them. It’s things that in the past I took for granted but now they mean a lot to me.
10. I’ve learned to say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes. I don’t like disappointing people but I’ve found that it’s necessary if I’m going to be true to myself. If you don’t mean it, don’t feel obligated to say yes. I love knowing I have the right to say no and feel free to exercise it, even if it doesn’t sit well with some people.
